Self-regulation, emotional regulation isn’t always about the big emotions or the big stuff, sometimes its about the small stuff that builds over time to become the big stuff.
For me, it’s the little things that don’t go right during the day and if I’m not on top of regulating the little things as they come up my life can turn to custard REAL quick.
My AuDHD brain likes structure and knowing what’s coming up and also loves NOT knowing and surprises and interest and “ooooohhhh look shiny” which can be super frustrating but also really hard to regulate when I need to focus.
The big emotional stuff, the big self-regulation can be hard to manage when the little things are out of whack……. Let me explain……
This morning…. newish routine for me, new haircut which means new routine to get used to for hair which also means I’m being a bit more present about my self-care in the morning before work (this is one of my longer-term goals that I have been working on for awhile now).
So, I am in the bathroom, need to take my ring off which I use for stimming during the day, put it down, forgot to put it back on, got in the car, forgot a couple of things I needed for the day, 2 extra trips back to the house, pulled out of the drive – without doing my normal settling into the car ready for the day, remembering the ring, decided against driving away without it.
Got to the gas station annoyed because I was 10 mins later than normal (a big thing for me), couldn’t get the rova app to work , had an early morning appointment with a new client (worry), then my coffee wasn’t quite right.
All of this adds up to a big thing for me, these are the things that makes me dysregulated. These are the things that makes me make stupid little mistakes and not be able to focus when I need to.
What did I do:
1. Got a cold drink as well as coffee. After a bit of experimentation, I have found that if I’m dysregulated or even a bit foggy, caffeine isn’t necessarily the thing, a super cold drink will normally give my brain that kick start it needs in these sorts of instances.
2. Setting the music that I listen to in the car to something that I can sing to rather than just listen to mindlessly. This is because if I can focus on the music rather than use the music to think/focus then my mind doesn’t overthink.
3. Taking a few extra minutes before I took off to reset in the car – I have a system that I do in the car before taking off so that I’m not distracted while driving, even though I was already “late” (I wasn’t actually, just I try and give myself lots of time, so I’m not flustered for things).
4. Remembering that my dysregulation is cumulative, the little things build up to big things, so being able to assess where I’m at and doing a quick reset before taking off means that I get through the day hopefully without losing my shit.
This is what works for me and it’s a learning rollercoaster, and I’m not saying that all these things are going to work for you, but understanding your little dysregulations, when things are a little off and being able to do a little reset sometimes for our brain can make all the difference.
If you'd like to chat about how I can help you sort some of this stuff out alongside you, get in touch today