ADHD & Showering

As I sit here doing anything but going and having a shower and stopping for the day I’m reminded every couple of minutes about the post on Instagram that I saw today and it obviously resonated with me so much that here I sit writing this post rather than going and having that shower that I desperately need.

And now I have sat for another hour trying to find the post again so that I can link the post and give cred to the creator……alas I have had to go have my shower giving up on finding the post again BTW…. Insta search engine is hard going….

Anyway, where was I, typical ADHD brain, the post,

5 Reasons your ADHD brain causes you to avoid showering.

1.      Sensory Issues

-temperature

-shower curtain

-water pressure

-soap/products

2.      Negative Body Image

3.      Too many steps involved.

4.      Time – when to fit it in

5.      Procrastinating – something else needs doing first.

I think I have had all of these at one time or another during my life without realising what it was or what it meant or how I might be able to overcome any of those five things. 

And as you can see by my first sentence, I’m nowhere near cured yet even though I help my clients with this very thing every day.

The main thing for me is right there up the top at #1!  I hate the feeling of cold air on my warm body, I hate getting dressed wet (so I have a shower at night, which then impacts on my other executive functions at times like if I want to build exercise into my routine), I will only shower, not bath (hate the feeling of baths can’t explain why), hate the feeling of shower curtains on my body so will not shower if there is a shower curtain close to my body, have a chronic illness where my skin reacts to a bunch of shampoos, soaps, so everything has to be just right or else I just won’t do it…….. you get the idea.

And that’s just my steaming pile of hot mess, can you imagine a kid who can’t explain any of those feelings but feels them just the same, or your teen who wants to be able to describe those feelings but feels shame and disgust and ridicule about feeling like that about such a basic thing that keeps them CLEAN.

Part of my working through my own executive disfunctions and finding triggers and work arounds and accommodations to help me function better (because I believe that my executive disfunctions only get better or worse depending on how regulated I am and how I’m coping overall), is by making sure there is always a reason why I’m showering that’s very much short term, because the ADHD part of my brain and this is the part that doesn’t let me shower, only works in the short term and definitely NOT in the long term. 

So, saying affirmations to myself like, it makes you smell better, it makes you cleaner rah rah rah, makes no difference to my inner voice that’s saying “f##k no, it’s cold stay in bed where its warm”.  I have to say things to myself like, “I have X to do tomorrow so I NEED to have a shower”, “your hair NEEDS washing tonight”, and I make sure that I have everything in the bathroom sorted well in advance so no outs!!! Big dry towel, electric toothbrush charged (see lots of steps), soap and shampoo’s  haven’t been stolen by the teenager, bathroom heater on, bed heater on, bed clothes out………… This is where the ASD part of my brain kicks in.

You might remember from my previous posts about the accommodations and work arounds that my son and I put in place to get him up in the morning for school, which meant rather than me nagging him to get out of bed because “my voice pisses him off in the morning” I would turn on the shower for him as a trigger for his brain to know that it was that time of the morning. 

That was not the end of that conversation by a long shot and it magically didn’t get better overnight because as we all know, boy, teenager and ADHD/ASD/IED brain child things don’t just happen.  We needed to do a few more accommodations before he started to work this into his routine on a consistent basis, (which now means every morning almost without fail).  Part of those workarounds were again about #1, those sensory things.

We needed to have a conversation about all of the sensory things about having a shower and I found out some really interesting things!!

I always found it weird that he put a towel down on the floor when he did the dishes, and then he explained that he doesn’t like his feet being cold, so we went and found a nice warm(ish) shower mat that he could stand on while having a shower.

NB: did you know that cold on the feet gives an instant dopamine jolt to the brain, so if you need a pick me up or your kid needs to get out of their “funk”, shoe’s and socks off and into the wet cold grass!! And on the flip side, if your kid is getting cold feet in the middle of the night…… instant dopamine boost – play time!!

Back to my boy, he then needed to pick the right shower gel, tried soap and shampoo/conditioner mix etc. but way too many steps so we had to go with a one stop shop option that he liked the smell of and was thick enough to last to do EVERYTHING. Then he doesn’t want to wash himself with his hands (typical ASD trait there), so we had to go and find towels and facecloths that he liked, (he’s now switched to loofah’s because he would rather use them a couple of times and then throw them out than them being washed, again typical ASD). 

I know this sounds like a lot of accommodating just about getting him to have a shower, but he’s completely in charge of it, he feels comfortable and safe, and now he gets himself out of bed, into the shower, dressed and ready to go to work, medicated and out the door ALL BY HIMSELF. It also means that he does his own washing because relying on me to have all the things ready for him to feel that level of comfortable so that the things get done is just not going to happen.

Things to try/work arounds:

Showering:

Look at all the 5 things – what’s the #1 for you. 

Sensory Issues – look at ways to dull down those sensory things, they are hardwired in so overcoming them will take time. Look at the temperature of the rooms you are in, the clothes and towels etc. that you use, the products that you use, having a fan or heater in the bathroom and/or bedroom for after.

Negative body image – just as hard to manage I know. Take the mirror out of the bathroom or cover it up completely.  Go for a much smaller mirror and if you have a mirrored wall, frost it. Shower with clothes on. Seriously who cares how you shower, if that’s what it takes to get it done – DO IT. Find something else to focus your mind on when you are showering so you are not focusing on your body. Finding the things that makes you safe and comfortable about showering, products that you love, setting up the environment the way you like, soft, warm, large towels all can take the emphasis off the body image and onto the feelings around looking after yourself.

Too many steps involved – yes there is!!! I have gotten into the habit of talking myself through these steps as I do them.  Thinking about them all before you start can be overwhelming (remember our brains don’t do so well with big picture thinking at times) so talking yourself through the steps helps you remember that this is about you being comfortable in the bathroom space so you can get the job done and have everything you need to succeed. Cut down the steps where appropriate.  Too many products – cut down, towels might not be washed/dried and ready? Your towels live in your bathroom (we just bought new bath sheets from Kmart for $10 that are amazing)

Time – when to do it, this has always been one of my problems with showering. I want to, I’m just so exhausted with the day that by the end of it, going through the motions of showering is the last thing that I want to do. If this is your pattern too, try a different routine.  I know this is easy to say but sometimes it does work.  You do sometimes need to take into account a couple of the other things, for me,  the sensory (hate getting dressed wet – solved by adopting talcum powder, keeping warm – have everything laid out ready to go so that I wouldn’t get too cold) and the time, having a shower in the morning means that I am going somewhere important so having a shower is part of an action plan for an important day. 

Procrastinating – this is something I talk about lots in my sessions with my clients and my kids. Procrastinating is something that you need to figure out what is making you procrastinate so a bit of introspection is needed, for me this means that I need to try and put everything else out of my mind to focus on the self care parts of my day.  The way I do this is to talk myself through each step of these processes.  This sounds weird I know, but I have realised through getting to know my brain better that this is what I’ve been doing for years without knowing it, subconsciously talking myself through the things that are hard for my brain to keep focused on, talking to myself to keep on track with what I’m doing and keep my mind on the task at hand, talking out the stupid little thoughts that come in to distract me.  So when you are putting everything in place to make the experience “comfortable” for you, talk yourself through each step, regulating your brain to the positive experience of showering rather than letting the “icks” take over and let the procrastinating in.