Although I have had the idea for this blog whirling around in my head for several months (you get how we do that), it has become really apparent to me this past month or so that I needed to actually get it out of my head and actually write this blog finally.
The women who I have worked with this month are really struggling…. It seems common that although we all seem to have had a cruisy Christmas and New Years break, whatever that looked like for us, things are still chaotic, and why?
I think because inherently we as women, especially us ADHD, ASD, Neurodiverse, Spoonie, Diagnosed, Undiagnosed women are just simply overwhelmed with our load, that again inherently we have loaded upon ourselves.
We don’t really understand why or how we got here. And for those of us who have sought help some of this is starting to make sense, and we are slowly starting to make changes to our world so that some of those things STOP spinning so much, STOP being so chaotic, STOP being pulled in 40 million different directions, STOP giving of ourselves so much.
If you are one of these women, this is for you!!
There now have been several studies relating to women “Camouflaging” or “masking”. Camouflaging refers to the use of conscious or unconscious strategies, which may be explicitly learned or implicitly developed, to minimise the appearance of autistic characteristics during a social setting (Hull et al. 2017a; Lai et al. 2011)
Masking in today’s world can look like frantically cleaning the house when someone is coming to visit because “god forbid” they see your house “like this”, or worrying constantly that you are letting people down but putting a smile on your face and going through the motions and saying yes to everyone that asks you to get involved when you REALLY don’t have the time, energy or just don’t WANT to do that thing.
We wear the right thing, we cook the right food for our kids, we try to meal plan, and exercise “right” and follow all the latest trends, we say “yes” when we really mean “absolutely NO” or simply “fuck off”, and we do all this when we have no more to give.
Also, our ADHD looks very different than what society sees as being ADHD. Lots more factors to consider, affected by co-morbidity that makes diagnosis hard, let alone understanding ourselves and our own symptoms, or being able to help our family and loved ones understand us better??
Check out this blog which goes into a bit more detail on explanation …..https://thruday.com/adhd-in-women-the-differences-to-males/
And realistically where is this all getting us?? Honestly!!! Truthfully!!! TO BURNOUT! And if you are not already there, how far away are you REALLY?? I know where I’m at right now.
When we start looking into our own ADHD, we start seeing ADHD all over social media and the symptoms (especially in women) and we identify with so much of it, it can be frightening and confronting and relieving all at once.
For me it made so much sense, why I struggled with so many things that other women could do, why I can’t keep my house clean no matter how hard I try, why I’m a hot mess a lot of the time and why I feel I have to try so much harder to keep it all together even though my brain definitely has the capacity to do all these things and I WANT to be a certain way and do certain things, I just CAN’T.
It also makes so much sense as to why the coexisting symptoms of all the many medical problems and physical symptoms I have struggled with for many years have added to this load.
ADHD research specifically focused on women has made great advances forward in the last generation and while there are many co-occurring conditions that can severely impact ADHD symptoms researchers and clinicians tend to focus on several that more frequently affect women and girls.
Depression
Anxiety
Disordered eating and diagnosed eating disorders.
Alcohol and substance abuse
Sleep disorders/difficulties.
Self-harm
Mood disorders
Additionally, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and body dysmorphic disorder have been noted as co-occurring conditions.
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and lupus when I was 30 and my son was 5 months old after a lifetime of struggling with chronic illnesses. Although I have nothing to say that this was bought on by the constant masking of my inattentive ADHD, struggling to maintain a certain “way of being”, learning to be a mum and housewife and partner and friend and colleague and so on while internally just struggling with the very sense of not knowing what was wrong with me and why I just couldn’t learn to be the best at EVERYTHING and just being so tired!!!
ADHD experts recommend treating both ADHD and the co-occurring condition together, because better management of the ADHD system can improve the treatment of the co-occurring condition, which is what I am slowly doing for myself through coaching practice and assisting my clients to do the same.
Getting support through this process has been invaluable for me and this is what I offer in my coaching practice. If you would like to know more about how I might be able to help you work through the unmasking and getting to know more about the you with ADHD get in touch today.
Get the free Women and Hormones Download here ⬇